A random collection of thoughts associated with the sport of cycling, as relayed by one hopelessly devoid of too many competing interests. It's a one track blog I'm afraid. But hey, if you like bikes you might enjoy it. So keep reading and the worst that'll happen is it might rot your brain..

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Reasons why Adam St. Germain should buy a 29er

Adam St Germain (aka AA, Apple Sauce, or whatever other shady aliases he is known by) recently pestered me about not updating this blog. I'm flattered that more than 2 people, myself being one of them, actually care to read this mess. So, without any further adieu here are the answers to Adam's question with regard to purchasing a 29er.

Adam's question was; "I think I'm going to get a Redline Monocog 29er... what say you?"

What say I? First off I'll say no one speaks this way anymore.. ditch the penny farthing along with the old timey dialect, ok? Unless you dress like Mr Peanut it's probably time to move forward and enter the 21st century my friend. It's time to leave your moron tubed Ibis, Lycra jersey and matching plum smugglers at home. That's right buddy, it's time to embrace the big wheels! I know you can do it, and I'm here to help. Below you will find a short list of things you're going to need to do right after running out and buying a 29er. Failure to do so may lead to a completely unacceptable level of credibility, bad breath, hives and spontaneous flatulence.

1. Assume a superior attitude with regard to your new bicycle purchase. To attain the correct level of smugness be sure to routinely consult the MTBR message boards. This, along with wearing only wool clothing for a few weeks, will lay a nice foundation for 29er ownership.

2. Swear off suspension. I mean it, it's only making you soft. I mean really, if you can't ride like Jeff Jones (see above mentioned MTBR for reference)then just go home. I don't care if you like to "huck the gnar", just learn to do it rigid if you must do it at all. This will only heighten your newly formed too cool for school attitude, and it may lend some credence to your cause when you start fanatically trying to convert others to 29ers. And you will do this, oh yes you will...

3. Go on a mission to convert the heathens. This is a big part of your journey toward big wheeled bliss. By now you've been riding miles and miles on a 30 pound single speed fabricated from recycled highway guard rails. This will serve to aid you as you wander from trail head to trail head like some sort of mountain biking Kane, spreading your love of the 29er Kung Fu. Your new found strength will help turn the skeptics you meet along the way. They'll probably be impressed by your clear skin, minty fresh breath and all around pleasant demeanor as well. Yep, 29ers can do all that for you, and more.

4. Sell your 29er and get the next big thing - I don't know what it is yet, but it's out there. Maybe it will be hover boards, buggy whips or 29" wheeled razor scooters. Who knows, but I'm sure you'll be late to that party too. Better get crackin' jack, time's a wastin'!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"30 pound single speed fabricated from recycled highway guard rails."

Get it straight bud......my new salsa is much lighter than 30 pounds. It's at least.....uh, like 29 or maybe 28.5

8:36 AM


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